for chris
i was always hypnotized by you, darling,
long before you became a man, i loved you.
when we stopped talking the first time, i tried to forget you.
i gave myself over to distractions and bad love.
which worked, because for years, my mind was empty of any memory of you.
then came the cinema on november 1st, my birthday –
it had been years since i saw you,
however, old feelings returned to my heart.
and i realized that now you are a man, not just the guy i liked back then –
your voice became deeper,
your eyes had a purpose,
and your mouth spoke real words,
not the nonsense and curses we uttered back then.
after these observations, i knew that my love had been kindled again,
only the flame was bigger than before.
i continued to follow that flame,
… and we start talking again,
forgetting the years that have passed between us.
it was like we were young, wild, and free again.
as the days went by, the more i fell in love with you.
it became too much to bear,
so one day i opened my mouth and told you,
and you, my love, you responded by saying: “let’s try it.”
i couldn’t have been happier.
but, as they say, happiness does not come easily.
you abandoned me, love, before we could take the first step together as one.
i didn’t understand, so i did what i only knew. i left again and we went our separate ways.
but that doesn’t mean i wasn’t devastated.
for months, my love, you were all i had on my mind.
i would close my eyes and your face would be there, while your voice resonated in my ears.
i guess you really are special.
–
then february came,
and you returned to the anarchy of my life.
you picked me up from hamilton and, with a friend, we ventured around the city.
words were exchanged under the sun’s eyes,
and i did my best to listen,
despite the hypnosis of this damned love that invades me every time you speak.
i just wish you knew what you did to me.
at the end of the night, we declare to speak again, to rekindle the flame.
and we did it.
we talked and that flame in my heart became an inferno of overwhelming love.
i think you finally recognized my love for you,
because you expressed to me a truth that you have harbored for a long time.
you think you’re not good enough for me.
you think you’ll drag me down.
lover, i couldn’t be more against these thoughts you have.
let me tell you, my love.
you deserve everything that is in me –
every damn piece of my heart, soul, mind, body, and love.
i give you everything.
but the choice is yours, my love.
you have to fight your demons and cross the other side of the road –
because that’s where i am, waiting.
my love and i are here, waiting for you
WILDsound Writing Festival 